Hello There!

Welcome to my Blog!

My goal is to chronicle my journey with mental illness and mental health, and some of the roadblocks I may hit along the way. Whether I am doing that with creative writing, freewriting, artwork, or pictures of my emotional support animal, a Labrador named Nori, I hope to tell the story of the ups and downs of my recovery.

You may call me Chaos.

When I was first diagnosed, I didn’t know what kind of rollercoaster I was in for. All the different diagnoses along the way, how we got to the current cocktail, and even these may not be “right,” you know? All the different medications, just to have them stop working, try new ones, they stop working, keep going, begin again… Being suicidal, attempting suicide, being admitted to the psychiatric hospital. Wash, rinse, repeat. This all started in 2003. I am still in the midst of it. There have been moments of hope and moments of despair. It hasn’t always been the downs, but it hasn’t always been the ups either. The times I have been happy give me reason to keep going through the depression.

“If you fall behind, run faster. Never give up, never surrender, and rise up against the odds.”
~jesse Jackson

“Do not be ashamed of the wars your soul has fought to save itself.”
~isra al-thibeh

“To survive it is often necessary to fight and to fight you have to dirty yourself.”
~george orwell

If I had to choose one thing about mental illness and mental health, that I could change, just one thing… I would choose to remove the stigma about having mental health problems and receiving help for them. So many people lose their battle with depression and suicidal thoughts, or PTSD and other trauma disorders, because they are afraid to get help.

How would it look to the people around them? What would other people think? Or… their family refuses to “allow” it, in the case of minors. If it were more normalized to go to therapy and a psychiatrist, if the psychiatrist were just another doctor, like going to the primary care or the dentist, people who desperately need help might actually reach out, through their fear and anxiety and ask for the help they need.

“Not everything that weighs you down is yours to carry.”
~juansen dizon

“Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn’t realize you left open.”
~john barrymore

“She believed she could, so she did.”
~philippians 4:13